Parallel Parenting and High Conflict Parents - New Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines 2013

One of the most significant changes to the Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines for 2013 is the addition of parallel parenting.  What is parallel parenting?

“In parallel parenting, each parent agrees to parent their child effectively, parenting “next to” one another rather than “with” each other. Minor issues concerning the children are not communicated about. However, each parent does provide the other parent with “important information” about the children, without debating about the parenting plan or either one’s style of parenting.”[1]

What do the new Indiana parenting time guidelines say about parallel parenting? 

The Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines, effective March 1, 2013, state that parallel parenting is a deviation from the parenting time guidelines, should be limited to cases where the court determines the parties are high conflict and a parallel parenting plan court order is necessary to stop ongoing high conflict that is endangering the well-being of the child. 

“High conflict parents” is defined by the guidelines as “parties who demonstrate a pattern of ongoing litigation, chronic anger and distrust, inability to communicate about and cooperate in the care of the child, or other behaviors placing the child’s well-being at risk.” 

A parallel parenting order is a deviation from the guidelines and the court may deviate from the guidelines to reduce the adverse effects on the children. 

In application each parent will make day-to-day decisions about the child while the child is with the parent.  The guidelines state that “[w]ith parallel parenting, communication between the parents is limited, except in emergencies, and the communication is usually in writing.  Appropriate counseling professionals are recommended to help parents handle parallel parenting arrangements.  Parallel parenting may also be appropriate to phase out supervised parenting time.”

Parallel parenting is not meant to be a permanent arrangement, and in all cases  the court will set a mandatory review hearing of the parallel order at least every 180 days. 

For more regarding the reasoning behind parallel parenting, and the aspirations of a parallel order, I have copied portions of a discussion by Dr. Allison Bell, PsyD., below.  Her full discussion of parallel parenting can be found here.

To discuss this please contact me. To see all of my postings on this topic search here.

The Definition and Merits of Parallel Parenting

Allison J. Bell, Psy.D.

Since the late 1990’s, there has been a fair body of research literature published regarding families of divorce and the styles of parenting after divorce. In a 2005 article for the Journal of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, Dr. Joan B. Kelly, widely known and respected for her research on children of divorce, writes about beneficial parenting plan models for children post-divorce. The impact of conflict is now well-known to be the key predictor of children’s adjustment post-divorce, and this knowledge has informed a greater acceptance of multiple access options for parents and professionals, as well as the courts, to consider.

The majority of parents are able to lessen their conflict within the first two to three years following a divorce, but as many as 20% of such parents remain entrenched in conflict. Parenting styles generally fall into three categories: cooperative, conflicted, or disengaged. Parents who argue a lot and who cannot gain control of their hostility need to learn to disengage. They can still parent together, in a form known as Parallel Parenting.

In parallel parenting, each parent agrees to parent their child effectively, parenting “next to” one another rather than “with” each other. Minor issues concerning the children are not communicated about. However, each parent does provide the other parent with “important information” about the children, without debating about the parenting plan or either one’s style of parenting.

Important information means anything that refers to the health, welfare and interests of the children. Thus, if a child is sick, the other parent must be notified of this fact, including details on what medications have already been administered and what treatment needs to be continued. If a child has a school field trip, the other parent must be notified. A decision about which parent might chaperone the trip shall be made in accordance with the parenting plan outlined in the Agreement/Stipulation/Judgment of Divorce. The same is true of Little League or other extracurricular activities that the children participate in.

Each parent develops and maintains their own relationships with the child’s teachers, coaches, doctors, dentists and friends. The child has one set of these professionals in his/her life, not multiples. The child goes to one school or daycare center and has one set of teachers there. The child has one pediatrician, one dentist, etc. The parents maintain independent communication with each of these professionals, unless required to be at a particular forum jointly.

Since communication remains vital and necessary, it is often advised that non-emergency communications be done by email or fax (Philip M. Stahl, PhD. 2000). It is all right to limit non-emergency communications to once a week, barring time-sensitive information. Immediate concerns need to be shared by telephone and any additional method as soon as possible. Reducing general communication helps reduce conflict.

For parents with very young children, it is vitally important to share information frequently, perhaps on an almost daily basis. This does not have to be done in a conversation; a useful tool for sharing detailed communication is a “parent communication notebook”, in which all the highlights of a child’s emotions and behaviors can be written down for the other parent to read upon each exchange of the child. Things that are typically included in this notebook are observations about the child’s health, feeding and sleeping patterns, language issues, the child’s moods, what techniques might soothe the child best, and what circumstances seem to upset the child. It is important that this notebook stays with the child so that both parents have access to it and can use it as a forum for sharing thoughts and observations about the child’s needs.

 

Balanced School Calendar and Parenting Time - Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines

The Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines provide a schedule for school breaks and holiday breaks.  It is obvious that the schedule provided by the Guidelines did not have balanced school calendars in mind. For instance, the Guidelines contemplate that Spring Break will be only one week, whereas in a balanced calendar Spring Break is two weeks long.  Balanced calendars are becoming increasing popular and are being adopted by many Indiana school corporations.  However, the new Guidelines, effective March 1, 2013, discuss balanced calendars. 

What is a balanced school calendar? 

The following charts compare the distribution of days in school and days on break on the nine-month traditional calendar vs. the distribution of school days on a balanced or modified calendar. Weekends are excluded form the charts, with both models detailing a typical year of 258 work days (Monday through Friday). Both charts represent a standard school year of 180 days.

The traditional calendar features a long summer vacation of 12 weeks followed by a long period of in-session days, with the first break coming at Thanksgiving. The winter holidays are followed by 55 in-session days before a short spring break. Spring break is followed by 40 work days before the end of the school year.

The balanced calendar reduces the long summer break and simply apportions those days throughout the school year, producing more frequent breaks and thus limiting long periods of in-session days, as well as longer vacations. Both calendars feature 180 days of instruction, with the modified calendar balancing the frequency of in-session days with days on break. The winter holiday and Thanksgiving break can be the same on both calendars.*

Not all schools follow the above calendars exactly, but generally, the idea is a shortened Summer break and longer Fall and Spring Breaks.

The most significant change is a shorter Summer Break. This affects all parents, in that the Guidelines presently presume each parent receives one-half of the Summer Break. Moreover, parents who exercise the suggested schedule "Where Distance Is A Major Factor" receive  seven (7) weeks of the Summer Break. With a balanced calendar there may not be seven (7) weeks of Summer Break altogether.  Presumably this time could be made up during the Fall and Spring Break, but doing so will require additional travel time and travel costs.

The Guidelines presently only assume one week of Spring Break and do not provide for Fall Break whatsoever.  The Amended Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines do provide for Fall Break, and define both Spring Break and Fall Break in a manner which could be longer than a week.  The amended language is as follows:

Spring Break. From two hours after the child is released from school on the child’s last day of school before Spring Break, and ending 7:00 p.m. on the last day before school begins again. 

Fall Break.  From two hours after the child is released from school on the child’s last day of school before Fall Break and ending 7:00 p.m. of the last day before school begins again.

The new Guidelines, suggest that if a child attends a school that has a year-round or balanced calendar, the noncustodial parent's extended parenting time shall be one-half of the time for fall and spring school breaks. Unless agreed otherwise, the noncustodial parent shall have the first half in off years, and the second half in even years. Additionally, the new guidelines state:

If the child attends a school with a year-round or balanced calendar, the noncustodial parent's parenting time should be adjusted so that the noncustodial parent and child spend at least as much time together as they would under a traditional school calendar.

The best way to deal with the impact of a balanced calendar on your child and your parenting time would be to customize your parenting time plan to deal with the calendar.  Doing so will likely require formal modification of the parenting time order with the Court that has jurisdiction of your case.

To discuss this further please contact me.  To check your school calendar, go to my Indiana Schools page here.

* The charts and explanations above are used with permission of the National Association of Year Round Education ("NAYRE").  NAYRE is a nationally recognized organization of educators, parents and businesses working to increase student achievement through its focus on creating effective time on learning. The Association promotes a balanced academic calendar to reduce learning loss and extensive review time that decreases time for new learning.

Collaborative Divorce in Indiana - Indiana Divorce Mediation

Collaborative divorce or collaborative law is new way to resolve divorce and family law cases.  I am a member of the Central Indiana Association of Collaborative Professionals ("CIACP").  CIACP describes the difference between collaborative law and mediation as follows: 

What is the difference between Collaborative Law and mediation?

In mediation, there is one qualified neutral third party (typically an attorney) who assists the parties in negotiating a settlement of their case. The mediator does not represent either party to the dispute and cannot give either party legal advice, nor can the mediator advocate for either party’s position. If either party becomes unreasonable or stubborn, is emotionally distraught or unable to negotiate, the mediation process can be interrupted. A mediator may attempt to intervene to help the process resume, but if the mediator is unsuccessful, mediation can break down, or a negotiated agreement may be unbalanced. If the parties are represented by attorneys, their presence may actually contribute to the difficulties in the mediation, or their advice may come too late to be helpful.

Collaborative Law is an option to deal more effectively with potential problems for parties who may not be as prepared for mediation. While maintaining the same absolute commitment to settlement as the sole agenda, each party has quality legal advice and advocacy built in at all times during the process. Even if either party lacks negotiating skill, or is emotionally upset or angry, the process is equalized by the presence of the skilled advocates. It is the responsibility of the attorneys to encourage their clients to be reasonable to make sure that the process stays positive and productive.

CICAP has a website, here, that can provide more information regarding collaborative law and provide referrals for collaborative divorce attorneys in Carmel, Indianapolis, and throughout Indiana. 

To discuss this further please contact me.